I love my life.
I have been loving it for a while now. I may be the happiest I have ever been.
Not to say that I haven’t had other points in my life where I was loving living, I have. There were times in both high school and college when I wanted to find a way to capsulate moments and re-live them again and again. And I have had amazing times in my travels. I spent a fairly blissful month in Ecuador and Italy holds some extremely happy moments in my life.
So, what’s different now? I’ve spent a lot of time wondering. Over-analyzing my own happiness. Why I can’t just live and let live is beyond me. I have had success, however, and this is what I think I have discovered:
My entire life I have felt restless. As a pre-teen I remember waiting for life to start. And then in high school I couldn’t wait to move away and go to college. I studied abroad at nineteen and caught the travel bug. I was not content to be in America unless I was planning my escape abroad. Then I fell in love and spent a year waiting for Immigration Services to let us be together and almost another year waiting for life to lead us somewhere.
I’m not waiting anymore.
The true difference between now and the twenty-six years leading up to this time is I finally feel like I can start living in real life. I don’t have to be somewhere else to live. I can live in my own language, in my own country. High School and college are amazing, but they are also temporary no matter how you slice it. Eventually they’re going to end. And I recommend travel to every soul alive, but at the end of the trip, most people head home.
I don’t live anywhere exotic. Up until a few weeks ago I was barely employed. But I have been so content and satisfied. And in a way I’ve never experienced before. This happiness isn’t something I want to bottle or freeze. I’m not stressing over whether my life will change and that will upset the delicate balance.
I love my life for all of its possibilities to change and evolve and grow. I love that every day can bring something new to create a slightly altered me. And I pray those alterations are for the better. I love that I know things are going to change and are changing every single day and that thought doesn’t alarm or frighten me. It makes me smile. Brings me joy.
In summation, I think this picture says it best. The kind of happiness I feel doesn’t happen by yourself. You can’t will it into being. You can pray it into being though. And speak it into being.
I am blessed. With a warm place to sleep. Food on my table. Love in my heart that I can give and receive. I can shout and jump and sing and be silly. I can do the crazy legs dance. I can cry tears of joy.
I am incredibly blessed. And I just wanted to share it with you.